{The Mother's Curse}

I LOVE this little boy.

Seriously, just look at that face! How could I not?!?

...and it's a good thing that he has that adorable smiley mug, because that sweet little grin has saved his life on more than one occasion.

I know I've hinted here and there at the fact that he can be crazy. But I don't think you really understand what I'm dealing with here. So I'm feeling the need to document a few examples that should not be forgotten. ...and also so his wife will understand why I have placed "The Mother's Curse" upon him. You know, the "I hope you have a child JUST LIKE YOU!" curse.

Example 1: I caught him trying to feed his tiny newborn baby brother his booger. (shudder)

Example 2: He was having so much fun playing in his room he was afraid that he wouldn't make it to the bathroom. So he peed in his garbage can. And didn't tell me. And I discovered it several (extremely skinky) days later. BTW, thanks for not having an accident, bud.

Example 3: Conversation had while driving in the van.

Lou: Mom, I have a secret!

Me: What's that, buddy?

L: But you can't tell anybody!

M: OK, I won't!

L: You can't tell anybody! Not the good zombies!

M: (Mustering a very serious tone) I promise I won't tell any good zombies.

L: You really can't tell anybody, mom. You can't tell the good zombies, and you can't tell the bad zombies that eat your brains out.

M: (Finding that serious tone even harder to muster) Oh, I won't tell the good zombies, or the bad zombies.

L: OK, here's my secret. But you can't tell the zombies.

M: Nope, no zombies. (By the way, this is how most of our conversations go. If you're going to have a serious conversation with The Lou, better set aside a good chunk of time, and be prepared to repeat yourself a lot.)

L: There is a guy. Standing on one foot. On top of the temple. Blowing a trumpet!

Example 4: At the end of a particularly long day he looks me straight in the eye and says, "Mom, I push your buttons, huh?"

Example 5: Lou found the spray bottle that I use to do the kid's hair, and kindly offered to put it away. I'm thinking, "What a helpful little boy he is being!" He came back a few minutes later offering to fill it with water since it was empty. "How kind!" I think. He brings it back to me filled to the very tippy, tippy top. "How efficient!" I'm looking on the bright side. I help him put the top on, then send him on his way back to the bathroom. I was so, so, so pleased that at how helpful he was acting! ...later? His sisters informed me that he had, indeed, misted each and every object he could reach in the bathroom. The mirror. The entire cabinet. Every hairspray and lotion bottle. Everything. Misted.

Example 6: We're driving home from Utah, and Louis is bored. I've resorted to idle threats. This random one popped out of my mouth before I could really think it over. "If you hit your sister with that seat belt one more time I will put this bag over your head!" He did it again. I had no choice. It. was. hilarious.

...and thus the time out "van style" was born. After he had done his time I asked him if he was going to do it again. That little bag shook back and forth with a repentant and silent "no".

Bwahahahahaaaa!